Day Five - Spinach

Today was day 5. I went to class and it was ho hum.

The only thing I can think about is spinach. I want lots of it. The thought of it makes my mouth water. I don't even really like spinach.

Day Four - I have a crush

I originally did not think I would be able to go to yoga today but my ski trip was canceled due to the snow so I made it to the the 5pm class. As I was walking in the snowstorm, I kept thinking that I hoped more than just a few people would show up because I am not ready for intense, personalized instruction. When I arrived, however, I realized that these people are intense. It was packed, more so than usual.

I had an amazing class. I did something new today and I could tell that I had already gotten better. The woman sitting next to me was clearly in a foul mood but I was able to not let her negative energy mess with my flow.  The woman on the other side of me was like a toothpick so that was annoying but I managed to not let that mess with my flow either. I also actively tried to not fidget today.

I officially have a new favorite person. She doesn't know it yet but I so love the instructor with an accent. Her name is Aurelija and she Lithuanian and I think I have an instructor crush on her. She is awesome. I wanted to go up to her after class and tell her how much I love her classes but I chickened out. I saw her and immediately knew I was going to have a great class. She puts me in such a good mood and I find myself smiling during the class. It really feels like therapy.

During class I had some pudge poking out and just for today, I was ok with that.

Day Three

I feel pretty amazing. Last night I went to the late class and I LOVED the instructor. She had an Eastern European accent so it made me focus even more on every word she spoke. She was also funny. If you weren't listening carefully, you could easily miss some of her little jokes but she was cracking me up (this admittedly does not take much). She also gave constant positive reinforcement. It felt like therapy. She would say things like, "Aren't you so happy you know you are taking care of yourself today and have done everything you can do?" Stuff like that. And I was completely into it. Cheesy, I know - but I loved it. 

Then I had a brilliant idea ... I would go this morning so I wouldn't have to go on a Friday night. But it turns out that two classes within 12 hours was not the best idea. Normally I think I would have really liked the 6:15am class but this morning my heart was not into it. I felt energized and was excited to do the class but once class began, I was completely unfocused. I kept looking down at the ground and all around. I kept thinking about silly stuff. I didn't make it through all the poses. I took more savasana pose time (where you basically just lay on the ground and play dead). I also did not feel adequately hydrated. So this morning was a bit much. 

One thing the morning instructor did was call attention to when everyone would fidget in between poses. At one point she told me to stop fixing my tank top because "it is just going to go back to where it wants to."  It was uncomfortable for me to know a little pouch was sticking out from the bottom of my tank top but I was forced to just deal with it. I had to just stand there and stare at myself in the mirror. I tried to just appreciate my presence but I am still working on that. Overall I felt good after the class but not as relaxed and energized as I felt last night.

For the next two weeks I will be able to leave work early so it will be easier to make the 6pm classes but after that, I might try to make the morning classes my new routine. It is a nice way to start the day and I feel so accomplished already. I am really proud of myself.

Body Observations

• I am sleeping like a rock. I am pretty sure Crystal was sleeping on my chest last night, which usually wakes me up because she is huge. Last night I vaguely remember waking up and looking at her but other than that, nada. For all I know all three of them plus Lauren were sleeping on my face.

• My back is like a board. I did not have bad posture before but the last couple days when I sit at my desk my chest is out and my shoulders are back.  I feel like I look a little uptight but I feel relaxed, just straight.

• I'm not sure if I am imaging this but I feel like something is going on with my digestive system. Maybe I am digesting better? Again, I could be making that one up. 

• My body is sore. It is a new kind of sore. Nothing painful, just a little achy. And one new thing is my toes are sore. I have never had sore toes. I don't think I even remember the last time I even thought about my toes. It is new to even being thinking about that. I like it.

Day Two

Last night was my first night of my challenge and I think it started off on the right foot. If you have never heard of Bikram, it is a style of yoga that consists of 26 poses and 2 breathing exercises. It is practiced in a room that is 105 degrees, 50 percent humidity and lasts for 90 minutes. In other words, it is fucking intense! I have been once before and liked the way I felt afterward but did not really enjoy the class all that much. The first time I went I started doubting whether I could stay in the room about 30 minutes into the class. Now I realize it was the instructor. Last night the instructor was so good and fast, you really didn't have time to think about how it was hot as balls in there. She kept referring to the class as a 90 minute meditation session. Now when I think of meditation, I think about sitting with your legs crossed in unnatural ways, not moving, and actively trying to slow your mind. I kept thinking last night, this is not my idea of meditation. But at the end of the class, I realized I had focused for a pure 90 minutes on nothing outside that room. I was pretty proud of myself.

I have a real problem with checking other people out. Not in a "I am curious about the human form" way but in a "I wish my thighs looked like that" way. It isn't healthy. I  did it last night in the beginning of the class but the class was so intense I didn't have energy to put into silly stuff like that. I also realized that I was right behind a pretty big woman who had the poses down really well. She was standing next to a really flexible, skinny woman who didn't know the poses. I focused on trying to mimic the fat chick.

After the class I felt great. I don't know if I felt more relaxed but I definitely felt energetic and refreshed. This morning I was exhausted but that is nothing new. However, I could tell I did something yesterday. I am not sore in the traditional sense where it hurts, I am sore in a way where I am just noticing my muscles. My posture also feels great today but I am wondering if that is just in my head. All in all, I think it was a great first day.

I am debating whether or not I want to keep track of my weight this month. I would like to lose weight, but I also don't want this to really be about the weight so much. I also have experienced before when my body changes and my weight stays the same. Maybe I will take measurements or something. We will see. I am going to the later class tonight so hopefully it will not mess with my sleep schedule. I am not sure why I am scared but I am. After having announced to family and friends I am doing this, it creates more pressure to actually do it. I'm not sure how great of an idea that was. I already put enough pressure on myself. But we will see and I will keep you posted on my progress!

Day One

Today I signed up for a 30 day Bikram Yoga challenge. The goal is 30 days straight of hot yoga but I am allowing myself a couple of missed days just in case. I am doing this to hopefully lose weight but more importantly, to develop the relationship, or lack thereof, I have with my body. I have never appreciated my body and I am hoping this yoga challenge will help me get a connection between body and soul. I also just want to like my body more. So I figure wearing next to nothing and sweating like a buffalo next to 20 other half naked people may help. Hopefully really skinny people wont always be besides me and hopefully by the end, even if they are, I wont care. I am also hoping this will keep me busier during the evening. My m.o. is to watch TV and munch all evening so now I will be forced to have an evening activity every night.

So why now? I have been exceedingly unhealthy all of my adult life. Even when I weighed 20 pounds less, I was not healthy. Last June I turned 30 and I have to start thinking about how I want to spend the next 30 years. I have decided I want to spend it appreciating all of the things in my life, including my body so I figured I might as well start with taking care of it. My first day is today so I will keep you posted!